Today’s post is a dedication; today’s post is a dedication to a friend. I promised her that if I ever published a book, I would mention her, … but since I don’t know if that will ever happen, I thought maybe this would be second best.
Though we have never met in person, we have “known” each other for years. Meeting on a website for sad people, you found me and gave me a breath of fresh air. You send me beautiful songs I would have never found on my own, funny videos to brighten my day; you send me snail mail clippings of articles you know I’d be interested in reading, and cards with words like “I’m so glad you exist.” You send me random text messages just letting me know that someone in the world is thinking about me, and we share with each other our deepest darkest thoughts and secrets. In essence, you’ve given me the very best friend I have ever had.
We understand each other. You get what it’s like to not feel inside of your own body; inside of your own head. You know what it feels like to be so burdened and exhausted from life. I never have to explain myself to you, because you already get it. I never have to apologize or censor my words, because you will support whatever I say and feel.
I think back to all the things that I have gone through over the past few years, and I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn’t had you to talk to. Emailing you things I could tell no one else was probably one of the biggest factors of me staying alive. You gave me a person.
Sometimes I feel so selfish, like I take more than I give … but that is because you are ten times the person I will ever be.
Meeting is at the top of both of our lists, and I know that one day, it will happen. We will stay up all night sharing our stories; laughing at those videos that everyone thinks are dumb. We will have years of history behind us, even upon meeting for the very first time.
Nicole, thank you. Thank you for giving me a friend when I had no other in the world.
Nicole, I am so very glad that you exist.