Archangel

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Angels – The Xx

I was a natural spring
flowing
and
erupting
over and over
again
until I stood alone
choosing my destiny
according to my mood
according to my past

the noise
all of the noise
the noise
never silence
and i wept
for a life lost
and
a mediocre
life gained

until one day

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hush
don’t speak
just let me see you
your face
your eyes
you never mentioned
in all of our emails
or texts
that i would fall in love with you
upon first sight
but then
you never mentioned
that i would love you
before even meeting

the conversation that day
the way it flowed
like the river
that i played in as a girl
the way you offered me a comfort
no one had ever given before
i was hypnotized
and that night
shed a part of me
upon returning
home

i stood before the mirror
of truth
and watched a part of me
the darkness
a tiny piece
float away from me
and i knew in that moment
that i would never be the same
again

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the fleeting moments
that i am with you now
i do not ever want to forget
so i trace your skin with my fingertips
and i kiss your forehead
your arms
your body
because my sense of touch
has always been my strongest
and i want you engraved into
every part of my memory

when we walk
hand in hand
my hand on your arm
holding you so close
for fear of waking
for fear of losing
for fear that if there is space between us
you will disappear

when we kiss
electric
bodies together
in a way
that i have never
had
before
connecting in ways
that i have turned away from
in the past
intertwining
with you
learning
that what i had convinced myself
would not satisfy me,
was actually my salvation
all along.
and i find that in you
as we create waves
locked into each other
i had everything
so very wrong
because with you
it is so very right

every moment spent with you
i am thinking
to myself
that i am free

you rush my mind
with your beautiful mind
the way you still see hope
in destiny
in the future
and i race
to find
words
to tell you
everything you want to hear
everything i want to say
i recoil
curl up
allow the wall to rise
i step back
foot out of the door
run, erica, run
bad news is only a click away
but then
your fingers guide my chin back to you
and in that moment
you reconnect me
you bring me back
you defeat the darkness
and i am once again
lost in your eyes

my silence
can kill
but
when you drove me home
last
and i was staring out the window
i caught a bird
flying high
and i lost my breath for a moment
because
i noticed the lack
of weight on my chest
of noise in my head
i was happy
i was fulfilled
and my mind was quiet
and my heart was warm
and i felt your hand on my thigh
and i looked over to you
and kissed your shoulder
and i wanted to tell you
everything
but no words would come out
because you rush my mind
but you also hush my mind
and since i have never experienced that before
there was no way
i could put it into words

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you and i
lost souls
dirt
scars
broken
hand in hand
envisioning
forever
75 years
today
tomorrow

you scare me
intimidate my senses
there are parts of you
parts of me
that do not seem
to fit
opposites
unable to blend
and
one day
water and oil
will struggle to connect
i fear that day
when the sun sets
and the newness wears thin
we will be bare
chained
shackled
by desires
left unquenched
and on this night
what will become of us?

i cannot promise
what i cannot give
and sometimes
you ask too much
or maybe just enough

i am a fool
for this archangel
the one who foretold
a birth
of a love
out of darkness

the walls i hide behind
you walk through
you just walk through

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9 thoughts on “Archangel

  1. Words fail me my love. I don’t know what to say. That was beautiful, but it doesn’t seem nearly enough. I would never want us to blend perfectly into one, that would be boring. Water doesn’t ask oil to blend with it, just to have it ever so close. That is all I want for us, for the parts that seem different, because at the end of the day it depends on what angle you look at them, looking at them the right way they don’t seem that different at all. I love you, for all 75 years of it or until we renegotiate 😉

  2. “i noticed the lack
    of weight on my chest
    of noise in my head
    i was happy
    i was fulfilled
    and my mind was quiet
    and my heart was warm”
    ^I love this, it’s beautiful and I can feel the warmth from reading those words.

  3. Pingback: One Year of Loony « Thoughts of a Lunatic

  4. Pingback: Just Married! | Thoughts of a Lunatic

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