You’re getting married. The love of your life popped the question, you said yes, and then you rolled his finger up in the car window (or maybe that’s just me …). Now you have to plan a wedding, right?
Sure, some women are all about Bridezilla’ing the shit out of it, but some of us have no interest. Some of us lie in bed at night wondering why we aren’t excited about a wedding, as society has repeatedly tried to tell us that we should be. If you are [like me] desperately trying to find the ESCAPE button, let me ease your despair.
Here are 5 Reasons why not to have a wedding:
5. You’ll add 5 years onto your life by forgoing the stress
Sure, your mom will be pissed and your dad will weep over the fact that he doesn’t get to walk you down an aisle (though he’s probably weeping over the joy that he doesn’t have to fork out thousands of dollars for that cake …).
But here’s the thing: You are getting married. It’s not about the wedding, it’s not about how big and grand your dress is, or how many people get to see how fancy you can be. It’s not about the ice sculpture or feeling obligated and guilty to let your Great Aunt Reba see your big day. It’s not about dipping into your savings trying to cover the cost of the photographer, or making sure that everyone is fed shitty food that costs over $5000.
When I think about a wedding (as we have changed our plans about a dozen times since June), I get physically ill.
When I think about marrying my fiance, I am calm and peaceful.
You’re getting married. It is about you and your partner. It is between you and your partner.
No one else is going to have to put the work in, year after year, to keep the marriage working.
No one else.
4. You won’t have to diet
You’re getting married. You are both going to get fat together. Fat and happy. Or fat and unhappy. You want to show your domestic side and cook, he wants to take you out to strange restaurants that gives you stomach ulcers. You’re blending your lives together, and that means eating a lot of food.
But then comes the wedding, and then comes the dress. You feel all of this obligation to cut down to one meal a day so that you can fit into a dress you’re only going to wear once. It cost more than a new car, and you feel the pressure to squeeze into it at whatever cost.
Avoid the wedding & the dress. You two fell in love as you are, and you got engaged as you are. You must be doing everything right already.
3. You won’t have to cringe ten years from now at photo’s of your ‘not so timeless’ wedding
There’s no such thing as a timeless wedding. The day will come where your dress is laughable and your decorations are cringe-worthy. I know those cut-off jeans were all the rage yesterday, but now you wish you would have just thrown on a damn pair of pants.
I’m not saying you’re going to regret it, and I’m not saying that your bikini didn’t look great on you. But think of your future children.
2. You will get to enjoy more time just being engaged
This is the time when you want to put your energy into training your fiance. He does, after all, have a lot of things to learn (leash optional, but effective).
Sit back, close the blinds & lock the doors, and spend time together. Enjoy being engaged, and enjoy the stress-free idea of your upcoming elopement.
1. You can have the honeymoon(s) of your dreams
My fiance and I are going on two honeymoons. That’s right, two honeymoons. We have plans, big ones. The money we would have spent on a giant wedding is now going to things like travelling to places on my bucket list, and buying a condo. I don’t know about you, but that seems like a pretty damn fabulous trade-off … and one that brings me no stress at all.
Save the money, get eloped, and go buy a ticket to anywhere (then send announcements in the mail so you still get that coffee machine you were hoping to be gifted with).
And hey, if you still decide that you want to have a big gathering, plan a huge vow renewal party in five years when you’re already used to having grey hair.