The Slow Burn of Love

Insanity

It is a poison,
spreading through the veins,
crippling the senses,
murdering the heart,
finding hilarity in the destruction it is causing.

It brings out the best in you,
it lets out the worst in you.

Love.
You see the images on the internet, you watch the angst-driven television shows, you see the movies, you hear the stories, and somewhere along the line you start building up this ideal in your head
on
what love will look like
what love will feel like
on
what love will be
and sometimes you hold out for that
and sometimes you don’t,
but all along
there is a burning desire inside of you
that tells you
that what you have
does not measure up.

And during the fights,
during the screaming,
and the yelling,
during the throwing of your cherished objects,
you disappear
into the dark abyss
because
this,
this love,
is nothing like it was supposed to be.

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Defenses rise,
and you forget why you are doing this,
why you are still together,
and you realize
that a knife in the chest
would be such sweet relief.
You say
horrible
evil
things
and you do
disgusting
and vulgar
things
and you justify them
because you are hurting
because you are being hurt
and because
you believe
you are alone.

The slow burn of love
chars the flesh,
soaks the heart in gasoline
and lights a match.
It is not what it was said to be,
and nothing about it –
about love,
about marriage –
is effortless.
It is the constant
pushing
and fighting
and coming to grips
with the fact
that you must surrender,
always living with the burn,
from this day forward.

Why?
Because you made promises.
Why?
Because, you love him.
Why?
Because you know,
somewhere,
somewhere so deep down,
that this is what it is supposed to be …

and that is worth the pain.

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5 thoughts on “The Slow Burn of Love

  1. This is so beautiful. It is the most truthful thing I have ever heard in my life. The art goes perfectly with the words. You can’t change the fact of love in reality, because this is it right here. Thank you. This helped a lot.-Rena

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