A Valentine

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Maybe there’s a God above, but all I’ve ever learned from love, is how to shoot somebody who outdrew you. And it’s not a cry that you hear at night, it’s not somebody who’s seen the light, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah

I grew up believing that love was war. It did not start out that way, no, but the world has a way of breeding bloody battles.
I always wanted to be right, always in control. If someone was approaching my pedestal, I would shoot. Because I had to be the last one standing. Never weak, never wavering.

Perhaps I was just scared. I did not want to lose those I loved, and therefor I pushed them away. It is not something simple to explain, in fact, I cannot find the words to do so. I guess I just saw this great big war in front of me, with people crying all around, with husbands leaving their wives, and women cheating on their men … and I thought, “Who would want to surrender themselves completely to something that would hurt them so deeply?”

I wore armor. In every relationship, I wore armor.

But there is a pause now. A slight inhale of a breath that has a taste of bittersweet. I hold it in, count to ten.
I am still waiting to exhale.

There is an absence, of what I used to know. Something is missing these days, an old friend.
The absence has been filled by my husband.

Sometimes I find myself drawing the lines, yielding my weapons.
Sometimes, I find myself preparing for the strikes.
Sometimes, I build these fears up so much that I attack.

But then, I remember who I am fighting.
The man I have chosen to be my husband. The love of my life. The one that I respect and cherish.
Why am I at war with him? Why are we taking sides when we should be standing along side each other?
Why are our swords drawn?

It is not always easy to remember what you once dreamt of, when you finally have it.

But as Valentine’s Day approaches, this sappy day that brings out the cynics, I will remember one thing. He is not my enemy. I no longer have to fight.

Love is not a war. It is a victory.
And isn’t that what Valentine’s Day urges us to remember??

… well, that and chocolates. Lots and lots of chocolates.

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6 thoughts on “A Valentine

  1. Not much to say on this other than – amazing writing 🙂 With all the heartache around us it is easy to forget that there isn’t a need to anticipate the worst all the time – why turn it into a self-fulfilling prophecy?; just let go. Wishing you and your husband a Happy Valentine’s Day filled with love…and lots and lots and lots of chocolates. 🙂

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