Food For Thought

My love of food started young...

My love of food started young…

I have always lived to eat. Food has seen me through triumph, through heartbreak, and through all of the major events of my life. It is my comfort, my first true love, and dare I say it, my salvation.

Unfortunately, when you live to eat, fat seems to live to find you. Pounds start packing on and jeans begin refusing to button. I watched my body go from athletic to cushioned, from tomboyish to marshmallow, in just a few short years after high school. I tried the diets, gave up eating in general for awhile, and even sucked down laxatives like they were candy … and I lost the weight. I should have been happy, right? I was starting to look like a boy again! Life should have been all fucking rainbows!! Right??

Nope. I was trapped in a place where food was the enemy, and yet, was my best friend. I craved a mouthwatering steak, but only ate salad. I wanted five cheesecakes, yet only got a saltine cracker with a smudge of peanut butter. Life sucked. It was miserable and blasé. The world told me not to enjoy food anymore because food was bad and fat was bad and any weight on a woman was bad and eating led to being fat, which led to not being a woman anymore. I felt like I had to be a twig to survive … but that was just it, I was surviving, not living.

I had grown up watching the women around me skip meals, go on diets, and feel more powerful when the weight was gone. I had grown up reading all of the magazines with Photoshopped models and flawless actresses. I had grown up watching the skinny girls get the boys. It never occurred to me that I could just be myself, eat, and find someone that loved me for it.

Even at my thinnest, people would make jokes. One person rubbed on my stomach and said, “Summer is coming, better start working on that.” Another pointed out, “Do you really want to eat that? I mean really?” I couldn’t win. I was unhappy and underfed, and people still kept judging me.

Then I met my husband. Prior to moving in with him, I had been on a six-month diet of eating “dinner only,” and drinking only water. He would take me out to restaurants and my stomach would punch my body as the food went in. He would always make fun of my inability to eat … but he had no idea that I had made it that way.

Little by little though, and compliment after compliment, I began to step back into the loving arms of food. I would cook all of my favorite meals, and would savor pints of his ice cream. I felt my jeans growing tighter, but my husband kept telling me that I was beautiful … and things started changing. I still saw the dimples on my ass, the muffin top over my pants, the “shoulder handles” as I like to call them (you know, back fat …). Yes, I still saw (and see) all of those things … but I started to care a little bit less about them.

The thing is, I still live to eat. Food is interesting, creative, artistic, and … well, we also sort of need it to survive. Food brings people together and gives us explosive … you get the picture. Food isn’t the enemy, it’s a friend. And maybe it gives us a little (or a lot) of cushion on our thighs … but so what? Why is that such a big fucking deal? Why do we judge so harshly the shape of a woman’s body? And why, WHY do we put ourselves through so much torture just to fit into standards that are ever-changing?

So you know what? I say eat up, dear friends, and enjoy. We only get this one life, and I plan on eating through all of it.

ResizedImage_1393402206824 (2)


17 thoughts on “Food For Thought

  1. Great post cos yes I love food as well! Probably a little too much but its a wonderful thing! I see a friend of mine trying to “diet” and eat like a pack of crackers and she looks miserable. Meanwhile I’m over here shoveling it in like there’s no tomorrow. But also what struck me is when you said women can’t be fat. It apparently is never okay for a woman to have an extra ounce of weight on her but meanwhile men can be heavyset and its hardly ever a problem. Growing boys are expected to eat 3 cheeseburgers but if a girl goes back for seconds “whoa now fatty you don’t wanna get big”. Its a very irritating double standard. But once again great post and enjoy as much food as possible!

  2. I think you are absolutely right. Food is one of the great pleasures of life, and needs to be enjoyed!
    As I am fond of saying, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and I don’t want my last thought to be “I wish I had had that cheesecake”!

  3. I am also a foodie but after putting on too many pounds I’m working on trying to focus on smaller portions. It’s great to eat and enjoy food but we don’t have to kill off the entire tub of ice cream, just have half a cup. Get the cheesecake but only have a couple of bites. Taste it, try it, enjoy it and push it to your husband to finish. hehe

  4. The unfortunate thing about good tasting food is that often it isn’t real food which can be an issue if you eat what ever you want when ever you want. Not caring about your eating habits doesn’t matter like smoking and drug abuse until it does matter. Some extra pounds don’t matter but no one wants to be unhealthy and waddling around at 300 pounds. But constantly resisting eating unhealthy foods would probably give you a stroke from all the stress. Sounds cliche but it’s all about moderation. I love junk food, getting high, drunk but I know I can’t do it every day. Or can I?

  5. If we can find some middle ground its wonderful. I try to enjoy food but not use it as a primary emotional support any more because that way, I get unhealthy and overweight and uncomfortable. I dont care what people think or whether I look a bit overweight, but I do care about doing things that make my body work less well. I try never ever to go without food if I am hungry, but to make sure that I eat food that really nourishes me and does not harm me. I eat little and often and mostly ‘good things’ with just a few treats and then I really enjoy the treats more than if I have them every day. I wish you health and happiness.


Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s