Rainbows & Rain

Cheer up, they said.

But they couldn’t ever understand.

I can’t. 

Why not?

But they wouldn’t ever understand. I see, more than they do. They think the glass is always full, that it’s just a matter of perspective. It’s not. Some of us just see the truth. We see the shadows, the fire, the red in people’s eyes.

The world is always going to be a bad place. That’s what I want to say. But I don’t. They won’t get it. To them, there is always hope. To them, the sunshine beats the moonlight. To them, ignorance is bliss.

You’ll be stronger because of this pain, they like to say.

Okay. Well I think I would rather be weak.

Meanwhile, I walk in slow motion on the sidewalk seeing the ugly.

Boy likes boy, girl likes girl, boy and girl get turned into monsters.

Boys and girls being blamed for the rape they endured.

Girls being called sluts by other girls and still thinking men are the only ones to blame.

Boys not crying. Boys can’t cry.

God hates everyone. Except a select few. God loves everyone, except for you.

I’ll judge you, but don’t judge me.

Men make the decisions on the how’s and what’s of a woman’s body.

You’re not white. That is your doom. Just that.

Or you’re gay. Or you’re gay and you want to get married. Because nothing is more satisfying to them than blaming their shitty marriages on gays.

Those two things, they will be your downfall. No, you’re not actually anything bad … you’re just not a straight white guy. And trust me, to them, that’s worse.

Or maybe you’re a terrorist. That’s always a good one. When all else fails, yes, you’re a terrorist. You want to steal their guns and their right to eat fried chicken.  And that is something they will not accept.

Let’s not forget you’re trying to leave a torn country for a better life. Don’t try it. Because we all know, white people were never immigrants. And even if they had been, they certainly didn’t wreak any havoc while they did so. And white people were here first. White people were everywhere first. Or something.

They always seem to forget, as they are complaining about their rights being taken away, that they are doing the exact same thing. It also tends to escape them that they really have no rights being taken away because they can do whatever the fuck they want. But it’s okay when they do it. Because they are doing it for the right reasons.

Or you’re crazy. You hear voices. You see things. You hate yourself. You hate everyone else. Your thoughts explode into opposite directions, while theirs implode into a cave of stagnation.

The sidewalks have potholes now, when did that happen? Someone has sweat beading down their head. Is it hot? The sun is burning holes through our skin, but no one is noticing. Why am I the only one seeing this? Am I the only one seeing this?

No. Other people are seeing this too. But we are different. And so they call us names. All sorts of names. They want to put us in a box and ship us away to a place where their ignorance and hate can continue, unharmed. We start to think, “What’s the point?” They always seem to win. They have their voices, their money, their power. “The world is always going to be a bad place,” we think. And we are right. Different will always be bad.

Until they are the different ones. And soon, they will be. Maybe I’ll hold out for that day. The day I can walk down the street and see rainbows instead of rain.


16 thoughts on “Rainbows & Rain

  1. I get it. Sadly, a whole lot of us get it. If there’s one phrase I’ve grown to really hate, it’s, “You’ll be stronger because of this.” On the other hand, sometimes when we least expect it, a rainbow comes along, and it’s in magical colors that “they” can’t see!!!! I hope we’ll never stop looking for rainbows!

  2. I love this.
    Just a few days ago I was chatting with a friend, saying I’d rather not be born into this kind of world and he asked why I hate myself.

    People who see things and truly care will always suffer. Not that they can’t be happy too, but you can sort of feel that they have an extra burden others don’t. If that makes any sense.

    Thank you for this. 🙂

  3. I would be honored if you would read my blog post http://repressedexpressions.wordpress.com/2014/07/01/perspective-fibonacci/ It discusses a documentary from famous British personality Michael Mosley, who suffers from chronic anxiety and depression, and his road to recovery using two scientifically proven methods: Cognitive Bias Modification and Mindful Meditation. I also have a very negative thought process and I have been looking into these therapies to change my perspective. Perhaps it could help you as well.

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