to my wife

* originally posted september 25, 2013

Much like your note, you have no idea I am writing this.

You are working hard on wedding things and trying to figure out school, the move, and all other things that we need to do.

The past month has been difficult, you have had a lot of issues with panic attacks that you didn’t know you were having. Blackouts and anger was the norm for weeks and all the time you worried you were going crazy.

Things have slowed down, although the dental problems you have had still haunt us they are slowly going away. Mostly thanks to your courage and going in to get them fixed.

You are confused why I stick around still, hopefully you are at least are sure I am not going anywhere. But you are probably at a loss as to why that is, why I would stick around when it was so rough. This is just a little love note to explain why I ‘bother’ to be here.

Sticking around is the easy part love, I do what I do for you because you are worth it and you give me what I need.

You do so much for me and I need to constantly remind you of this or you will forget. You never make me feel bad for my issues, you understand and have the same as well. You take care of me when I don’t feel up to doing it, you make sure that the things I need to do get done no matter how overwhelmed I feel. You seem to think I treat you so incredibly but you forget to see that I think you are treating me much better than I’ve ever treated you.

You talk about me being there to help you through hard times but I should be thanking you for letting me be there. You are the one who allows me to support you and it is an honor, one that I will not forget.

In short, I love you.

That is all the reason I need to not only want to stick around but to help improve your life like you have helped improve mine.

You seem to think you don’t do anything for me, that being ‘just’ you isn’t doing enough. But being ‘just’ you has done more for me than you will ever understand. Words fail me when it comes to describing the vast change in my life that you have brought around, I don’t even want to think of a time without you it has been that drastic.

So now I leave you, my love, with a little reminder:

If you think I am so good to you, by being ‘just’ me, then maybe,

I can think that you are good to me, by being ‘just’ you.

Sometimes we fight, or don’t agree but even still there is no place I would rather be. I’ve waited so long to find you, and now that I have you I never want to let you go, not ever.

Meeting you and being with you has been an incredible experience and no amount of ‘bad things’ that have happened to you in your past will ever change that, you will always be you, and you will always be a great person. I love you for it.

Sticking around is the easy part, best beloved.
You make my life so much better and that is the hard part.

I love you.